Dear all,
As you all know that I do not like this life. Everywhere I see people
talk about things, wanting to have certain things, willing to give away
certain things. All people see is money. My career was chosen for me
only because it had money in it. And now my life partner has been chosen
by seeing the money alone. Nobody talks about the inside. The inner world. A world where things do not matter. Where money does not affect.
After much frustration, and after deep thinking I have decided to end
this life. Don’t worry I am not committing suicide, but I have decided
to leave this materialistic world and adopt a much more spiritual was of
living. I have embarked on a journey to find my soul, to connect with
my inner self.
I will not be returning, consider me dead. Do not try and find me.
Yours truly,
Sudeshna.
Sudeshna had only a small bag with her when she arrived in the asharam
she was looking for. She had decided to change her religion to Jainism.
She had studied about it a lot and found it intriguing. Especially the
aspect of giving away all things connected to the world, even relations.
Through the internet, she had located an asharam in the mountains,
which admits people and teaches them Jainism and how to become a
devotee. Sudeshna had decided to become a nun.
Sudeshna was led into
a sort of a hall which had other girls as well. There were about 20
girls in there. Sudeshna was surprised that so many people are embarking
on this journey. They were asked to rest till evening, from then their
maharaj will start guiding them. Sudeshna introduced herself to some
other girls. All girls were in their 20s.
Sudeshna was surprised as
to how easy it was to find this asharam on the internet. It was really
easy contacting them and finding about the details. She had taken a
train to this city and found the asharam very quickly. She hadn’t
brought many belongings since now she would be required to shun all
worldly things. She thought she would be given a white unstitched dress,
just like the one worn by the 2 or 3 women she saw here, who were
guiding the girls in. She saw no males as this asharam was only for
females.
At 5 pm, all girls were gathered in a hall. They were made
to sit on the ground cross legged. There were 23 girls in total, who had
to begin their journey of self discovery.
Their maharaj was sitting
in front of the hall, facing them. His eyes were closed and he was
engrossed in meditation. He kept his composure for quite a while, making
the girls anxious as to what he will say.
Then he opened his mouth, without opening his eyes.
Maharaj: so you all wish to find your inner self?
“Yes!” they all said in unison.
Maharaj: the journey to the inner self starts from shunning the outer self.
The maharaj hadn’t opened his eyes yet.
Maharaj: are you all ready to shun the world.
“Yes!”
Maharaj: it is not as easy as it sounds. You will all go through one
year of training, consider this as your test as well, all those who are
persistent for one year, are the only ones who go to the next level.
After a long pause the maharaj continued.
Maharaj: you will start shunning the world now by throwing away all your clothes.
All girls were surprised at this, but went ahead. It took all girls
about 10 minutes to strip completely. tHe room was no filled with 23
naked girls and one maharhj. The maharaj now opened his eyes.
Maharaj: good, you all have taken the first step towards salvation. For
the next year, you are not supposed to wear a thread of clothing on your
bodies.
Sudeshna
was a little uncomfortable with the fact that she will have to remain
nude for one whole year, but in a way she was impressed by it as well.
She did want to shun materialism, and this was very extreme. So she had
mixed feelings regarding this.
Next they were told that they will be taken to a temple to bow down before a goddess. All girls were
very ashamed to leave the asharam without any clothing. But they had
to. When they did leave, all eyes fell on them. Then one of the woman,
who was a nun in the asharam, explained to her that nobody was looking
at them here with sexual looks, all people in this small village had
overcome their sexual desire. They are just looking at them with awe.
Even after hearing this, the girls were red in the face. Their were
naked sadhus as well. But they could see no girl or woman completely
naked like them. They finally arrived at the temple. To their relief
there was no one there.
Maharaj: you all must go down on your knees,
out on hands together and bring down your head as low as possible, but
don’t touch your head to the gorund.
All girls did as was asked. The
maharaj stood behind them. Stay in this position for half an hour. Only
then will the blessings come. All girls were feeling very shameful now.
Their ass was up in the air, in full view of the maharaj. But they had
to stay in this pose.
Later that night they were to have another lesson, from a nun this time.
The nun’s name was Sayani.
Sayani: the maharaj is the loving, caring part of your journey, while
I’m the tough part of your journeys. I am very strict in all matters.
you see strictness is very important sometimes. Since you all are new in
this, a little strictness will go a long way. To give you all an idea
as to what strictness I practice, all of you become murga.
All girls were shocked at this.
Sayani: come on hurry up.
All girls slowly got up and went into the murga pose.
Sayani: keep your buttocks up, other wise I will hit it with a sstick.
Sudeshna had never received it, as well as most of the girls there.
Sudesha lowered her butt, and was given a good stroke. She screamed, her
buttocks writhed in pain. She uplifted them.
While
sleeping at night, Sudeshna felt the weirdest ever. She had never slept
naked. And the girls were given the instructions not to even put a
blanket. All girls butts were stinging even now from the strokes they
had received in murga punishment. All girls did lower their butts from
time to time and all 23 had received good strokes. There were 23 stinging naked butts all in one room trying to sleep. They were to wake up early the next morning.
All girls had trouble sleeping at night so could not wake up early in
the morning. They were all made to do uthak baithak 100 times for being
late. They all felt like they were in some boot camp rather than an
asharam.
For the next few days, punishments started coming more frequently. Murga was very common.
Sudeshna along with three more girls was punished murga outside the
asharam for having some dirty thoughts and saying them out loud. This is
when she heard some familiar voices. She raised her head, she was still
holding her ears when she saw her father, sister, mother and some of
her uncles standing right in front of her. They hadn’t seen Sudeshna
yet, they were still looking for her. Sudeshna froze in her position.
Had she only lowered her head lifted her butt they might not have seen
her, but she didn’t.
Then her sister finally saw her.
Her father
came to her and lifted her up from murga pose. Her father was also
embarrassed to see her daughter completely nude. He gave her a slap and
asked to wear some clothes.
Sudeshna: im not your daughter anymore,
I have taken an oath and performed certain rituals which make me
exempted from all relations.
Sudeshna’s family tried to convince her
a lot, but she wouldn’t listen. Finally some monks from that area came
and situation became heated. Sudeshna’s family thought it would be
better for them to leave. They all agreed to leave when they saw that
sudeshna’s younger daughter wasn’t there. When they looked for her, they
saw her standing beside Sudeshna, completey naked.
Father: what are you doing.
Younger sister: you refused my boyfriend because he didn’t have a good
job and arranged my marriage to someone wealthy, I have decided to shun
materialism as well.
the end
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